How to Speak Romance Like a Generation Z: Fifty-One Ultra-Specific Terms for Love, Sex and Questionable Conduct

This year marks a full decade since the term “vanishing” hit the public consciousness. Initially, the idea that someone could suddenly stop all contact with a romantic interest without explanation seemed like the pinnacle of disrespect. How naive we were. In the 10 years since, navigating toward a mate has only become more confounding – an frequently fruitless pursuit in embarrassment that is increasingly defined by social media lingo.

Gen Z, a demographic who came of age during a social isolation crisis, a masculinity reckoning, and a concerted challenge on the rights of women and the queer community, faces a infinitely more complex terrain than their millennial elders could ever envision. And so their dating vocabulary has grown more extensive and more unhinged, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” pushing the limits of your mental fortitude.

What follows is a extensive guide to the words this generation is using to discuss romance, sex and the quest of both. To paraphrase one of the recent most popular online sayings, by the conclusion of this guide you’ll yearn to get back to God’s country – because where that is, it doesn’t have “wokefishing”.

A

Realness – For gen Z, romance's ideal is showing up as your true, unvarnished self. You'll need it with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A online phenomenon loosely based on a framework developed by relationship scientists, in which you mention something trivial – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your partner’s reaction is inquisitive or brushed off. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s answer to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend focuses on her own needs while exuding mystery and self-sufficiency. (She might still have baby bangs.)

C

Chair theory – This means choosing someone who supports you unprompted. If you entered a room, they would pull up a chair for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A date where two people connect while handling tasks, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how broke young adults do affordable dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Melting down – Having a breakdown when you feel burdened by life. You can spiral over a infatuation or split, dumping all of your (unrequited) emotions.

The Letter D

Dink – Dual income no kids. Once a marker of 80s yuppie affluence, it refers to pairs who choose against parenthood to prioritize their own well-being. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

E

Open communication – The opposite of being guarded: utilizing communication, honesty and openness.

F

Indicators

• Danger signals – Behavioral habits signaling a potential partner is not right. For instance calling their former partners unstable, bad gratuity habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a nascent DJ career …
• Good indicators – These traits affirm your decision to pursue a mate. For instance following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal phone use, having a bed frame …
• Odd but harmless traits – These typically describe specific, mostly inoffensive quirks. For instance being an keen birdwatcher, still carrying around a pen in their wallet, paying rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you find someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the second world war or physical media hoarding or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who hates the same stuff or individuals that you do (nothing builds intimacy faster than having a nemesis).

G

The band Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend likes.

Ghostlighting – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of ghosting.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and loyal. The rare boyfriend who is beloved by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online community of men so obsessed with masturbation that they attempt marathon sessions, purposefully postponing orgasm so they can continue as long as possible.

H

Heterofatalism – A mindset describing many women's increasing despair toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An ideal touted by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and happily domestic, who apparently has no aspirations of her own other than satisfying her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and often mundane repulsions that immediately kill any feelings of attraction.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to remember after you watch someone else get an extremely sweet act.

J

Jobs – These have not been this important in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “banker” is the ultimate catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in professions they believe are being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, educators or counselors.

K

Kissing – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16m years. But the era of kissing may be numbered since some Zoomers prefer fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen romance authentic.

Light catfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more important than it is. Also known as {